Day 18- Love Seeks to Understand


How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.
 Proverbs 3:13

I remember the topic of today’s dare from the movie Fireproof.  Kirk Cameron’s character Caleb was having a discussion with one of the firemen.  He said, “When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and married her, he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains the college degree. A master degree. And ultimately a doctor degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever closer to hers.”  Caleb asked his friend if he studied his wife.  His friend answered, “Yeah, but l don’t think l got my college degree on her yet.”

I think that most married couples would answer the same way, but I also wonder how many would even have their high school diploma.

I know when my husband and I were dating, we wanted to learn everything about each other.  We had spoken at length through instant messaging (yes, that’s what it WAS called) and then on the phone.  We would talk for 5 hours a night and this was even before our first official date, before we met in person.  By the time we had our first date, we knew so much about each other that we kind of didn’t know what to say.  There was no first date small talk or anything like that.  We already had a sense that God had brought us together and we knew so much about each other.  Our conversations began to get deeper as our relationship blossomed.  We would go for long walks or drives in the country and talk, then talk some more.  I remember one of our conversations revolved around what 4:30 movies we used to love to watch on ABC TV. (not one of our deep conversations)  If you remember those movies, you know how awesome they were!  After we got married, our conversations continued.  We loved learning more and more about each other, but as the years went on, our conversations became less and less.  Life kind of took over and before we knew it, we weren’t talking and therefore we weren’t learning about each other.  Just because you’re married and think you know everything about what makes your spouse tick, doesn’t mean you do.  It’s so important to keep learning.  You wouldn’t tell you children that when they get to a certain point they can just stop learning new things, so why would we do that with our own spouse?

Here are a few questions to ponder:

  • Do you know his or her greatest hopes and dreams?
  • Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
  • Do you know what your spouse’s greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

If you don’t know those answers, start asking them, today.

Today’s dare.

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.  The dinner can be as nice as you prefer.  Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about.  Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

At the end of the day, answer these questions:

1. What did you learn about your spouse that you didn’t know before?

2. How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times?

3.  What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?

Congratulations! You have completed Day 18! Tomorrow’s dare is Love is Impossible.

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